Expository: Moving Forward

Moving Forward

Humans are animals. However, what sets them apart is our emotions, emotions that consume us, become us. In Tom Perrotta’s book he focuses on the emotion of grief of the Garvey family and how the town of Mapleton deals with their grief after a rapture like event takes place and thousands of people disappear with no explanation and no return. It is said that grief has five stages:  denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. When looking at people's individual grief stories they seem to be quite different which means these stages may not happen in this order or that one may not go through each stage. In Perrotta’s novel each one of the members of the Garvey family and members of the town experience at least one of the stages of grief.

In her article “Dealing with the 5 stages of grief”, Dr. Christina Hibbert states that the denial stage is not one of denying that the person is gone but rather just a state of disbelief. She then goes on to state that part of this process is telling our story, over and over to make it real. This is true for Alana Sheeren in her Ted talk “Owning Our Grief”. She talks about how after she lost her baby at 5 months and that what helped her get through the beginning was telling her story publicly but also privately. It is at this time when she was probably in denial and needed a way to not get over it but cope. Her argument throughout is that we don’t need to get rid of our grief but to be to be able to recognize that we are grieving and the actions that go along with it. In Mapleton denial is not too not be too big of a factor for those that are left behind. They know that they are the ones that have literally been left behind in this phenomenon and that it is clear that those have left them are not coming back. However, they do seem to be in deny that the event that occurred on October 14th could in fact be the rapture. A lot of the people that are in charge of companies and schools, and even the president eventually say that it’s time to move on. Those that are left need to go back to living their lives, working, going to school, etc. Although for some this is still hard.

In addition to denial one of the five stages if bargaining. Hibbert states that denial is what “ keeps us focused on the past so we don’t have to feel the emotions of the present”. This one plays a big role in Perrotta’s novel. Two members of the Garey family fall into this when they join religious life groups that focus on the past and how After the event there are two groups that members of the Garvey family join more religious groups. Laurie, the matriarch of the family joins are group called the Guilty Remnant a group that goes around wearing all white, doesn’t talk, and always smoking a cigarette. There’s something about that group that represents that has religious overtones. White often symbolizes purity and innocence. Also while their name is Guilty Remnant shows that they are trying to show God or Christ that they feel bad that they didn’t believe and as a reminder that they are left behind. Trying to prove that they’ve changed wearing white and not speaking. Although they’re not quite bargaining in the way that Hibbert explains they’re bargaining in the sense that they are trying to bargain so that they won’t be left. They want to try and change their situation by showing they’ve changed.

What makes sense to be the last step of grieving is acceptance. However, this is a very hard thing to do. How does one accept that a loved one is gone forever? In Nancy Berns Ted talk “ she talks about the idea if grief with closure. Part of acceptance may be part of closure. Hibbert explains that closure means that “we are ready to try and move on—to accommodate ourselves to this world without our loved one”. However, truly accepting and moving on doesn’t always seem possible nor does finding closure.  In her Ted talk Nancy states that people don’t want to feel grief and that to get over it we think that we need closure. More importantly though she talks about how we want to help others get closure. However, she goes in a different direction at the end saying that one cannot get closure for another person. She states that “you need to meet them where they’re at” and that when they’re ready to give your hand to help them stand up. That in the end it’s about not about closure but that it’s about healing. Like Alana she ends by saying that we need to be able to work together and help one another up and accept our grief. At the end of the novel the Garvey family hasn’t quite reached acceptance. Instead they keep living their lives in the best way they know how to survive away from each other.

In the end grief is a complicated thing. It has many elements and stages that go along with it. People don’t want to feel the pain of a loss. Skipping to the end when we can move on, accept, get closure is what one seeks. However, the stages of grief can’t be skipped. One has to feel how they feel and own their grief. Perrotta tells the story of a town that is completely in grief and how those who are left behind survive and continue to move forward.

Bibliography

Perrotta, Tom. The Leftovers. New York: St. Martin's, 2011. Print.

Hibert, Christina. "5 Stages of Grief." Dr Christina Hibbert. N.p., 2015. Web. 18 May 2015.

"TEDxOjaiWomen - Alana Sheeren - Owning Our Grief." YouTube. YouTube, 14 Dec. 2014. Web. 18 May 2015.

"Beyond Closure: Nancy Berns at TEDxDesMoines." YouTube. YouTube, 8 Aug. 2012. Web. 18 May 2015.